the american revolution

i should really be doing my homework about the american revolution, but instead...

THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION re-WRITTEN BY KEVIN.
DID you know, that everything you learn in your puny text book about the american revolution is FALSE. first off, the Americans DID NOT win. Also, George Washington didn't even fight on the dirty rebels side, he fought for the redcoats. with this background information, you will be able to understand the following sequence on TRUE events more better......

it was the year 1774, and i was beginning to grow weary of these annoying colonists. not only did they just refuse to bath, but also, they had to go and tax everything. we practically owned them, and when we give them a tiny taste of freedom they begin to demand for more. first, they felt they had the right to tax US! another thing was, not only did they tax all of our documents, but also, when we refuse to pay their taxes, they go and dump all of our beloved tea into their bays. events like this had been taking place sense around 1765, and it wasn't getting better. by the year 1772, they began to build their own militia, and began preparations for war. also, little did we know at the time, but they began to make an alliance with our allies, the French, so when war did eventually break out,  they would have a massive network of spies, spying on us... as soon as we received word of the colonists preparing to launch a full scale attack on us, we began to boycott all the colonists goods, and started to prepare for war ourselves. now, sense virtually all of our imports came from the Americas, cutting off trade with the colonies was not too brilliant of a move, but we had no other choice. with no other options, we were forced to ally with communist Russia, and Nazi Germany. together, we decided to launch a surprise attack on the colonists, through japan onto Hawaii on June 13th 1775. the attack was later know as the Tienanmen square massacre. over 16,000 were killed in this attack. this was the start of the Revolutionary war. we used many new methods of fighting, but the most innovative, however, was know at the Blitzkrieg. a method of fighting where troops would hide within bushes and trees and jump out like gorillas onto their enemy.  another new weapon, was the land mine, which was designed that when stepped on, a ball of explosive would launch itself about 3 feet into the air, and implant itself into the enemy's crotch, and then explode.  the war bla bla bla then on september ...10'th octomom died in a car crash... 
now happy forth of freakin July, go eat cake.