Today, i was planning on writing about how i saved a suicidal pregnant lady from taking her own life, but in the time between that happening this morning and now, something much greater happened.
At around 7:47, while i was making toast, something extraordinary happened. we ran out of creamy peanut butter. I'll get into why no living thing should ever eat crunchy peanut butter later, for thats a different story.
Anyways, we didn't have any peanut butter, so i had to use jam. BUT the only strawberry jam we had was sealed tight, and God knows you can't eat other jams, such as apricot, or mango. Who the heck even came up with mango jam?
ANYWAYS, after i was done cooking my bagels, i attempted to open the jar of strawberry jam, but I was to no avail. The jam had bested me. I tried every possible method to open it. I used a screwdriver, a bottle opener, a can opener, and even a crowbar, but still i could not open the jar of jam.
Eventually, i just tried running hot water over the lid, but i still couldn't open it, and by now my bagels were cold so i just put the stupid crunchy peanut butter on it and fed it to a pregnant lady.
Oh, and also i put the sealed jar in the microwave for 15:90 secs, well actually i have no idea how long the microwave decides how long that is, but whatever....
oh, theres only two times i ever use when i use a microwave, 15:90, and 1:23, but I'm getting off topic.
AND SO, jar of jelly in a microwave for 15:90 secs, bad idea.
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