'Octomom' 2.0? Woman Gets 'Pregnant In The Mouth' After Eating Squid

today, while i was scrolling down facebook, a certain status update caught my eye. it  was a yahoo post labled, 'NEW OCTO MOM SQUID MOUTH PERSON... PREGNANT' or something like that. so without reading it, here is what i think the article says.

ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a short stubby Russian women. Although she was only 4 feel 11 inches, she often weighed at just over 300 pounds. The women supported her family of 8 children, and her husband, by selling her body... FISH, which she... caught... with her fishing... equipment. Anyways, our fat Russian prostitute... FISHERMEN   would spend long hours catching... FISH. Because her family was very poor, the only food they could ever eat was also their merchandise to sell. this raised a problem, because at times, it came between feeding their youngest child, Matthew, or paying the cable bill. eventually, the poor Russian family became desperate, they decided something needed to change in order for them to all be fed AND keep their precious television set.  The Russian lady, decided to hold a family meeting, and try to come up with a solution to their problem. she called upon each of her children, Steven, Anton, Kyle, Jon, Melissa, Lauren, Lauren, and Matthew, for them each to come up with their own way to bring money to the family, and for them as a whole to come up with a "MASTER PLAN' so they never have to go without television again. The mother, however, decided to sell herself to her evil nazi communist government for them to perform tests on her. These tests involved electric shock therapy, reanimation, and drug tests. These tests went on for several months, where the family would receive $20 in compensation every other month. eventually, the evil nazi communist government decided to test a new type of drug, one that would supposedly give her powers beyond imagination, powers, that would make her be able to transform into any sort of animal she pleased. the women was put on a strict diet of water and fat several weeks before the testing, to 'cleanse' her body of any toxins that might disturb the drug. the women was also isolated, and received electric shock treatment every day in order to prepare her body for ULTIMATE SUPER POWERS! after many weeks of preparation, the drug was finally ready. the took the women from her cell, and strapped her into a chair. they gave her neurotoxins to relax her nerves, for any stress would alter her blood flow and change the effects of the drug. they then injected the drug, which later they found out was actually just squid and orange juice put into a blender and dyed green, into her face. the women died 6 days later, and the family received $30 compensation.
as it turns out, all of her children decided to make their share of the family's monies by creating the drug for their evil Nazi communist government.